


Beta-Read Your Life

by Saesama



Series: 28xFirst Kiss Combo [26]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Hero Worship, Sober Roxy Lalonde, lalondecest, wizard's apprentice au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 02:13:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2331425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saesama/pseuds/Saesama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Roxy Lalonde and you're pretty sure your life just became the coolest self-insert ever. Finding out your life was filed under the Fantasy genre was just a bonus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beta-Read Your Life

You won.

You bounce in the backseat of a taxi and pretty much vibrate in excitement. You _won_ , you poured your heart and soul into the writing contest and you won dinner with your favorite author, with your fucking _hero_ and you _won_.

The taxi swings uptown and lets you out if front of an upscale place - sushi, nice! - and you frantically pet your hair to smooth any stray strands. Rose Lalonde is in this place. _Rose Lalonde is in this building_. You take half a second to hug your elbows in and giggle.

Rose Lalonde is in this place and waiting for you to get your happy ass inside, you huge nerd. You hustle in and give your name and the host leads you to-

There she is. You might swoon.

"Roxanne," she says warmly, standing to meet you. She's a bit taller than you,but younger than you expected and her smile is a little crooked. No swooning, Ro-La. _No swooning._

"Please, ma'am," you say politely, shaking her hand. "It's Roxy."

She huffs a short laugh and sits. "Please, Roxy," she mimics, not unkindly. "It's Rose."

"Cool." Ugh, you suck. You sit across from her and the waitress gives you both menus. Food? Who cares about food, you have Rose Lalonde _three feet away holy shit._

"So, Roxy, are we related?"

Your happy little bubble sinks like a rock.

"Lalonde is not all too common a name, but I don't recall ever seeing you at either the family reunions or Black Mass."

Oh fuck everything sideways, you never thought you'd have to explain this to _her_. "Uh, no," you admit, flushing and staring at your cup of water. "I'm, um, an orphan, a foundling, and yeah, when I turned sixteen I didn't want to be a Smith anymore, totes boring. So I changed my last name to Lalonde because you're my fucking hero and-" You snap your mouth shut.

You glance at her through your lashes. She looks surprised but pleased, her chin in her hand. "I must say," she says. "I'm honored to have been an inspiration to so talented a writer." She taps a sheaf of papers next to her elbow with her fingers and thaaaat's probably your story.

You're saved from death by embarrassment by the waitress. God knows what you order. You do order water to drink and when Rose orders a margarita, you barely flinch, good for you.

Rose catches it. Shiiiiiit. "Do you object to alcohol?" she asks.

"Nah, not on principle," you answer. You don't owe her an explanation. God damn it, Ro-La, you idolize her but you do _not_ owe her an explanation. "I... Used to have a problem." Aaaaand you're going to give her one, anyway. "Been on the wagon a while now, but sometimes you just wanna calm your nerves, you know?" Rose nods thoughtfully and you force a subject change with all of the grace of Jake English falling out of a tree. "So, why mine?" you ask, gesturing at the papers. "There's gotta be better writers than me out there."

"On a technical level, yes," she says. "You certainly need a good beta and a spell check." You grin at that. "But that's not what we were looking for."

She sits back and tents her fingers under her chin and she should be in a deep, winged chair before a fire, not in a sushi joint booth. "So, what esoteric manner of divination did my team and I use to decide which entry was to become canon?" She smiles at the look you give her. "The first round of cuts was the porn; Calmasis finding love in a lusty young barmaid, Calmasis finding love in a strong young knight, Calmasis finding love in his _horse_. The second round was every self-insert as Calmasis' apprentice or platonic life partner, or body guard. So sorry to kill so many dreams."

You snort. "Yeah, right, if anything, everyone else needs a body guard from _Cal_."

Rose gives you a smirk-and-nod that makes your heart flutter a little. She's the kind of woman that makes interviewers cry and she's being so damn real with you. "Right. What are we left with at this point? Calmasis the overlord of the world. Calmasis ascending to the supreme being in the universe. Calmasis joining Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff on a magical adventure - I'm fairly certain Dave Strider submitted that one himself." Your mouthful of water ends up in your napkin and your sinuses. "Are you seeing a trend here?"

"Yeah," you croak, trying to not drown. "They're all about Cal. But, like, Cal's story is _over_. Done and served up hot."

Rose looked pleased again. " _Exactly_. There were several that 'focused' on other characters, but still featured Calmasis prominently. Yours was among the very few that did not. Your decision to focus on Baralen the Manservant won the contest for you. Not to mention, it was one of the few that made me laugh out loud."

"So," you prod. "Baralen hiding from the guards as a barmaid is canon?"

Rose nods firmly. "Canon."

You grin. " _Awesome._ "

The food comes and conversation meanders. She explains what channels your story is going to take to get published. You tell her about the scholarship you're trying to get for programming, she tells you about her knitting projects. You talk about Jake and Jane, she asks for your phone to give you the number to Dave Strider's reclusive little brother.

She types into your phone way too long for just one contact. You manage to swallow your burning curiosity.

The waitress appears again and hovers nervously. "Ma'am? Was the margarita not to your liking?"

Rose blinks and looks at her mostly untouched drink. All of the ice is melted and the salt is crusted over and she _looks_ at you, sharp as knives. "I suppose I'm just not in the mood," she says slowly. You feel like she's peeling back your skin.

The waitress clears out your empty plates and Rose sets down her napkin very decisively. "Will you indulge me in a walk, Roxy?"

"Um, sure?" Did you do something wrong? Oh fuck, did you insult her when you brought your once-upon-a-problems? Fuck fuck fuck.

There's a park nearby, one you've been to once or twice, and Rose leads you along a path you never noticed before. She's quiet along the path, and you keep trying to come up with something to say, but the silence is too heavy so you keep your mouth shut. You just keep walking, the way twisting and turning and wait a fuck, something is wrong, something is _way_ wrong, there's no way this park is this big.

You step over a huge, gnarled root, and you look up at a tree way too old for an urban park like this. Something rustles in the underbrush and it's too quiet, you can't even hear the traffic on the street anymore. Fuuuuck what the hell is going on?

Rose stops in a small clearing with a no-shit fairy ring of mushrooms in the center and looks at you. Your nerves are all frizzled and you keep trying to hear a car or a plane or something. "So, um," you say nervously. "Where are we?"

"Away," Rose says simply. "Roxy, do you believe in magic?"

The hair goes up on the back of your neck. "I want to," you say slowly, then you laugh a little, high and strained. "God, I want to. But."

"But you never had a reason, right?" she says gently. You nod. "I thought so." She sighs and looks up, past the ancient trees surrounding you. "There are things beyond the edge of our world," she says. "Things of power and protection and madness. They whisper of other worlds and writers hear them in their dreams. They whisper of might and madness and those of the Art hear them in their nightmares. Those of us doubly blessed are doubly cursed."

She takes a slow, shuddery breath and closes her eyes. "I drink to keep from hearing them constantly," she says. When her eyes open again, they're glowing. Not some bishoujo anime sparkles, either, straight up illuminated, playing pale fire over her cheeks, and she's looking at you. "I don't hear them near you," she says softly.

You swallow once, twice. "So, what?" you say. "I'm blocked off or something?"

Rose takes your hand and draws a broken circle on your palm. "Beyond even them is the Void, which is pure potential," she says. Your hand tingles. "I think you're connected to it and can tap into it. I think you can learn the Broodfester Tongues without relying in the Noble Circle." Her mouth quirks, self-depreciating. "And perhaps you can teach me in return and I won't have to rely on tequila to get through the day."

You laugh, a bit giddy. "Did my life become fanfic?" you ask. "This is some crazy-ass self insert."

Rome hums, amused. "Perhaps it is my fanfic," she admits. She tucks your hair behind your ear and suddenly everything is intimate. "For me to find a potential apprentice with such a talent is a dream come true."

Your heart thuds in your chest. The woman who shaped your short adult life just called you a dream come true. And now she's holding your hand in a fairy ring in some magic woods and you've read enough epics to know where this is going so you go up on your toes and kiss her.

She gasps a little but she doesn't pull away and her hand tightens around yours and your heart does a victory dance. "Hell yeah," you say, grinning like a little kid. "Let's write this fic. And it better have a happy ending.

Rose looks a little flabbergasted. "I've never been good at happy endings," she says faintly. "But for this, I am willing to try."

Your cheeks hurt from smiling so hard. She goes from flabbergasted to fond and leans in and kisses you again, light and sweet, and a piece of paper slips into your hand. "Find these," she murmurs. "And when you do, use them to find me. It will be your first lesson."

Everything goes _cold_ , black and cold and wind whips your hair into your face. You stumble back and Rose is gone, the playground is right on the other side of the bush you're standing in and there's a copy of the receipt from the sushi place in your hand. Words are written on one side, words that just might be book titles.

Well, shit. Looks like you have a quest to do. You climb out of the bush and head for home, digging out your phone as you go. You scroll past 'Rose' in your contacts list (!!!) and find the other new one. Maybe 'Dirk' has some idea of where to start your new mission in life.


End file.
